St. Onan's Prayer : Minute Of Prayer In Response To The Christian DDOS Attack On Australian Atheist Web Sites

Saint Onan's Prayer for Brock

Your Holy Ineffableness,

I know it's been an age since we chatted, and I wouldn't want you to be under the impression I was seeking to renew our relationship on any kind of permanent basis.

The fact is, things have been just peachy since I ditched you, and there's no way you're getting those Sundays back. They're mine now.

But God, the reason I'm calling is that some of your camp followers down here on Earth have been spreading the rumour that you're back in the imprecatory prayer market. If so, this is just too good an opportunity to pass up.

Lord, please SMITE the caterpillar known as Brock Organ for me. Smite him with intelligence, so that he will know what a retard he has been.

Smite him with a sense of honesty, so that his heart will recoil in horror from its own darkness. Smite him with an open mind, so that he shall weep for the prior confinement of his soul.

And when Thou has completed this most holy and horrific smiting, Lord, please finish the job by smiting the Borgan with a rectal probe the size of a telegraph pole.

Do all that and I'll consider going to church again. Once a year at Christmas.

Amen.

My Prayer : Minute Of Prayer In Response To The Christian DDOS Attack On Australian Atheist Web Sites

Trance Gemini's Prayer

Dear God, otherwise known as Roger,
Dear Holy Trinity:
Your Greatnesses,
The Omniscient Google,
Her Horniness and Great Pinkness, the Omnipresent Invisible Pink Unicorn (May Her Holy Hooves Never Be Shod) (PBUH),
The Great and Omnipotent, All-Loving Flying Spaghetti Monster

(Just covering my bases here folks)

I wish to thank, with all my heart, those Christian dDOSers who participated in the DDOS attack on Australian Atheist web sites and who through the Divine intervention of the Greatnesses above, gave The Rise Of Atheism Convention all that free publicity.

I forgive those who had Black Hearts and Evil Intentions and wanted to make atheists suffer by disrupting their web sites.

I also forgive all those Catholic Trolls and all those other Trolls and their friends who hate me so much, wish to condemn me to the Burning Fires of Hell as a "witch" and/or "demon" (apparently this the top of a rather hot and heavy debate).

Bless Them and Forgive Them Their Evil And Their Pathological Lies, Warm Their Little Black Hearts, Oh Greatnesses.

Forgive XNun aka too many sock puppets to count for her online smear campaign against me because she appears to hate atheists so much, particularly ones that are female Moderators (and female Moderators of Groups who ban her).

Forgive Liam aka too many sock puppets to count for getting my friend, the atheist Woodbridge fired from his job, threatening to get other atheists fired from their jobs because they kicked his ass in debating theology and for his online smear campaign against me for banning him because of this.

Forgive Joe aka too many sock puppets to count for starting thread after thread amounting to hundreds of posts, lasting for weeks, abusing me because I object to Catholic Priests raping little children and refused to retract my statements.

Forgive the Religious Trolls, Fagsy, J, and the Dookster for ... well ... existing (no need to forgive the Dooksters obsession with fantasizing about me in a brown leather teddy and self-flagellation though. He'll really, really like it if you punish him for that.)

Forgive all the Trolls and their Friends who like to stalk me everywhere, pretend to be normal human beings and spread malicious lies about me simply because I stand up to them and their trolling, kick their asses in debate, catch them at all their tricks ;-)

Oh Greatnesses, Bless All Their Black Little Hearts.

Luckily for us, All Good comes out of All Evil and not only did those atheist web sites recover quickly, but many, many more people are aware of The Rise Of Atheism Convention being held in Australia next March.

I am grateful for the Divine Intervention of the Greatnesses above which turned Evil into Good and shone the light of Love on the Rise Of Atheism Convention and on atheists around the world.

Thanks Be To You,

God, otherwise known as Roger,
Holy Trinity:
Your Greatnesses,
The Omniscient Google,
Her Horniness and Great Pinkness, the Omnipresent Invisible Pink Unicorn (May Her Holy Hooves Never Be Shod) (PBUH),
The Great and Omnipotent, All-Loving Flying Spaghetti Monster

Peace My Christian Brothers and Sisters ;-)

"To no form of religion is woman indebted for one impulse of freedom..." --Susan B. Anthony

--
Sista Trance.
High Priestess of the Holy Order of the Virtual Temple of the
Invisible Pink Unicorn
Protector of the Holy Sock of Bob
Keeper of the Words of the Grand High Llama
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Minute Of Prayer In Response To The Christian DDOS Attack On Australian Atheist Web Sites

Just a little background.

Atheists on Facebook have decided that our "retaliation" to the Christian
DDOS attack on Australian Atheist web sites is to have a Minute of Prayer at
any point over the next two days.

Atheists around the world have taken this message to heart
______________________________________________________

Dan Kerr sent a message to the members of Minute of prayer in response to
the Rise Of Atheism Convention DDOS attack.

--------------------
Subject: The time has come

To all my fellow satirists, we have finally arrived at our momentous event.
A full minutes prayer, using various clever methods (see the comments for
some ideas) to the Christian God, sometimes known as Roger.

With any luck our combined efforts will shut this particularly malevolent
and cruel of non-existent gods down for at least as long as the conventions
site was down, which was two days or so. When you have finished the prayer
we would like you to consider, or should i say, Imagine, a world without a
need for gods, spirits, demons, angels, ghosts and hobgoblins.

Many of our brother and sister Christians are quite certain we will be
receiving our special message back, and as good critical thinkers we will be
open to such an event and will certainly keep it in mind should we receive a
substantial and verifiable happening.

Be sure to return and tell us what happened, did you get a reply, did the
earth shake, did you see a flying bowl of spaghetti. However if we hear
nothing for the following two days we can consider our prayer a smashing
success. Feel free to do as us atheists do, pillage, burn, have lots of
kinky sex with condoms, not wipe your mouth after your meals, basically
anything goes as morality is controlled by God who will be out of order.

Good luck and cod speed.

Facebook: Minute Of Prayer In Response To The Christian DDOS Attack On Australian Atheist Web Sites

Another Atheists' Prayer

May I have the strength to face reality,

even if sometimes it is easier to just guess

or believe the same thing the people around me

believe in.

May I have the ability to know what I know,

know what I don't know,

and know HOW to know.

Atheists Prayers

Atheists Prayer 1

My fellow men, turn away from your false God and stride with me

into a broad sunlight plain of enlightenment and understanding.

To be blessed with the understanding of atheism

will cause a mighty change in a person's heart

so that he has no more desire to believe in myths,

but rather desires to seek the things of the real world.

Follow me and I will put a new spirit within you.

Those who believed not in Christ's name

will be reborn, not of blood, but of logic.

Except a man be the torchbearer of the intellect

he cannot enter into the kingdom of mankind.

We can be born again by the mighty force of our intellect

and whosoever is born of this great force

will not continue in the darkness of the sin

of confusion and mythology.

For whatsoever is born of the intellect

overcomes the world.

Have ye yet been born again of intelligence and logic?

if not ye cannot inherit the kingdom of man.

Whosoever believes on my words shall be born again

of me and walk as a giant amongst men.

And I say onto you.

Repent: for the kingdom of intellect is at hand.

And I saith unto all you computer programmers,

follow me, and I will make you programmers of men.

written by Bob600 of AvC

Atheists Prayer 2

Our brains

Which art in our heads

Treasured be thy name

Thy reasoning come

The best you can do be done

On Earth as it is

Give us this day new insight

To help us resolve conflicts

And ease pain

And lead us not

Into supernatural explanations

Deliver us from denial of logic

For thine is the kingdom of reason

And even though thy powers are limited

And you're not always glorious

You are the best evolutionary adaptation

We have for helping this earth

Now and forever ever

So Be It

Source: http://nobeliefs.com/GAMOW/GAMOW24.htm