Saturday, July 12, 2008

God and Salvation, an atheist's children's story version

AmyLuv asks: How exactly would you explain the need for salvation to a 7 year old?

Dag Yo replies: I'll give this a shot. [pretend I'm talking to a 7-year-old]

People need salvation because a long time ago God made a neat little
garden for people and animals to live in. There was also a magic tree
in this garden, with a fruit that makes anyone who eats it really
smart, but God said that it was against the rules to eat anything from
that tree. One day your Great Grandma got talked into eating some
magic fruit by a walking talking snake. So your grandma ate the fruit
and got all smart, but then when God found out God was really mad and
after that he hated all the people in the world -- he even hated
babies because they came from their smart grandparents. God hates
everyone so much that the people he really hates, he hurts really
really bad forever. In fact, God even hates you.

But after a few thousand years, God decided it was kinda mean of him
to hurt everyone really bad forever just because he hates them so
much. So he decided he would get a woman pregnant so he could have a
baby of his own. That baby was named Jesus. And then when that baby
grew up God and Jesus made sure that Jesus got hurt really bad for a
few days. And so, God doesn't hate anyone who remembers that Jesus
got hurt for a few days.

So don't ever forget that Jesus got hurt, or God will want to hurt you
forever and ever, thanks to your stupid Grandma.

by Dag Yo of AvC and DR


Roger said...

If that was only how the story was told.

Aspentroll said...

That was a pretty neat explanation and one that all
xtians should appreciate. It
breaks down all the biblical gobilygook into easily defined terms. I don't see how they (xtians) could not be
completely happy with this easy for them explanation.

Dag Yo said...

Well aspentroll, i'm 0 for 1 when it comes to Christians being "completely happy" with this explanation. And I have a sneaking suspicion that it's because I didn't relay the old testament parts of the story via archaic prose and I didn't make a purposeful effort to avoid talking about the supposed origin of sin and the need for salvation at the same time. But who knows really, maybe it's just by accident that they never seem to do that.

trog69 said...

Grammaw: "Here, I brought you you're favorite candy!"

7yo little Johnny: "Screw you, ya ol' hag!" Ahahaha. I missed that one from Dag. Awesome.

If you have to relate it to a 2 or 3 year old, just mention how God makes us wear clothes, all because Grammy ate spinach! (Ask any day care worker how hard it is to keep the clothes on their little charges! And my grandkids were the worst exhibitionists.)

trog69 said...

Ms. Hundal, I was at your personal site, looking for this one before coming here, and read about your loss. I'm so sorry, and apologize for eavesdropping.

David W. Irish said...


That pretty much sums it up rather well!

scribblerlarry said...

That ought'a scare the shit outta them wee rug-rats!!